For years I have known that I've kept a protective wall around me to
prevent others from hurting me. In the past I had been hurt by the
people I thought I could trust. Actually, they were people I should have
been able to trust. A few weeks ago I felt that something had changed,
that a crack may have formed in the wall, but I just couldn't quite put my
finger on the change. Yesterday, as my husband and I were returning
from the city, God gave me a vision of what had happened.
I saw myself in a prison-like cell. The only difference was that the lock
was on the inside not the outside of the door. I was the only one with
the key and I chose who came in with me. When I met Justene I allowed
her to come and sit outside the door and tell me about this God she was,
herself, learning to trust. After months of daily visits, I finally began to
let her come in my cell and minister to me. I even began to minister to
her as I got to know a little of God. I began going to church with Justene
and that's when things really began to change.
I had already met Brenda and was allowing her to sit outside my door
but, I wasn't prepared for meeting Pastor Kathie. She picked the lock,
came right on in and wrapped herself around me. I wanted to run and I
wanted to stay, I hated it and I loved it. Week after week she continued
to pick the lock, come in and wrap herself around me. As this was
happening I had begun to let Brenda come in and visit and was
beginning to allow others to sit outside my door.
One night as we were leaving church Pastor Mike and Kathie left to talk
with James and Brenda and Pastor Kathie didn't come in to wrap herself
around me. I realized the cell door had been unlocked and opened, by
me this time, and no one came in. I went home feeling upset that I'd let
myself be vulnerable, but I could'nt bring myself to lock the door.
Then Sunday came, I felt a fullness and excitement that I didn't
remember ever feeling before. It was a race to get to everyone and wrap
my arms around them and invite them into my cell. Then, in my vision,
God showed me the best thing of all, I had removed the door completely
from my cell and everyone was coming and going as they pleased. There
was no longer that feeling of being separated.
Now, last night, January 2, 2008, I realized that I had started to lose
weight and the focus of food had changed. Not that I've suddenly quit
eating but that I don't have a desire to feed my pain or loneliness or fear
or anger. There doesn't seem to be that emptiness that I have felt for so
many years. My circumstances haven't changed but I'm not feeling that
aloneness in those circumstances like I always had before. What does
this have to do with the vision? Well, I have for years been filling my cell
with food instead of relationship. Not relationship with people, but
relationship with God in people. I'm still guarded, but with a stronger
sense of who God is and what He wants to accomplish. A stronger sense
of the unity that He is desiring. I know I still have a long journey ahead,
but I now have a desire to hear God's direction for that journey and I'm
no longer separated from the ones already on the road.
Praise You God for Your faithfulness! You really are the only One I need.
Thank you for bringing people into my life who have the same desire to
know You more. Thank You for patiently sitting outside that door with
the others.
Awesome seems even too small to describe the You I'm coming to know.
I don't want to lose this desperate feeling to have more of you. Continue
to work in my life, continue to shape me into Your vision of me.
The prayer I offer You for all the others; Give us the desire to desire You
more.
| 1/6/08 As I began to worship today at church, I began to see that there had been a deliverance for me. That a few weeks ago as my pastor prayed for me, that wall of bitterness I had built, had begun to crumble around me. A softness began to form that had never been there before. I hadn't been able to explain why, all of the sudden, I cried about everything. I had held those tears in for so long that it would be a flood to release them all at once. I thank God for his loving patience and kindness. I know I could never get to this point in my life if He hadn't sent so many angels in my path. Praise You, Father! |
| This site is best viewed using Microsoft Internet Explorer. About Us FREE Email Newsletter Privacy Policy There are NO pop-up ads originating from our website. |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| Prison Release |